Intimacy Secrets: How To Get It On When It’s Been Too Long!
With the demise of our social lives, owing to Covid19 traveling the globe in all its glory, intimacy and sex have taken a hit. While some people are grateful for the quarantine; for having more time on their hands to spend with their lovers, for some singles and sexless couples, this lockdown has been a dreadfully long period sans connection. While touch and intimacy are food for the brain’s feel-good chemicals, we seldom pay much attention to the needs of our bodies, and our partner’s. People assign an emotional valence to every experience, and that means that the fundamentals of meaningful intimacy can be achieved outside of the bedroom! Fantastic, mind-blowing sex never comes without a sense of trust and comfort being established between the pair. So if you’re sexually frustrated during this lockdown, hop on- we’re spilling secrets on how to get it on when it’s been too long!
°Try A Dating App
Because this is not a good time to find love in grocery stores, dating apps are an amazing way to discover other singles in your area! With the pandemic sending our lives into lockdown, dating apps reinvented online dating during this time, by optimizing their products to enable video calls, personal question cues, and widgets that help you look like a smooth talker! If you’re not looking for a person, but a singular sexual experience, try chatrooms like Omegle or its bolder version- Dirty Roulette! Though dating apps are gaining popularity like wildfire, choose what works you and take your time.
°Steam Up The Video Calls
Couples yearning for intimacy while isolating miles apart are perhaps the biggest casualties of the lockdown. But hey, love can be felt in many ways, and video calls are a great way to stay close and connected. If you sense the fire fizzling due to distance, make sure to remind your partner how often you think of them, and what’s on your mind! Don’t let distance put a damper on intimacy! Try to put effort into looking sexy when you video call with your partner and be vocal about your feelings! Chances are, your partner feels the same. Also, everyone loves receiving an unexpected nude (unless you’re a stranger in someone’s DM) so surprise your partner with sexy pictures at unpredictable times- so they know you’re getting horny thinking about them. Sex disappears when attention and attraction get lost in the passage of time- hence, use the technology at your disposal to let your partner know how much the thought of them turns you on!
°Rediscover The Art Of Touching
The sensate focus techniques that sex therapists use can help you re-establish physical intimacy without feeling pressured. Touching is the most powerful tool to build connection- but often we forget that touch is essential even outside of sex! Every part of your lover’s body is open for you to explore- so why stick to just the privates? Lightly run your fingers behind your partner’s earlobes, on their neck and arms, and when you feel their body responding positively, get that tongue to work! Nobody, I repeat, nobody can stand straight with someone’s tongue is stroking their neck- so explore your partner’s nape, his or her thighs, the ever-sensitive lower back, and soon you’ll have them squirming for more.
Don’t rush. Sex is a very small part of intimacy and if you climb the ladder right, there is no way you won’t have a satisfying experience! Take your time, be attentive to the hums and moans of your partner’s body. This will give you a better sense of where to touch your partner to drive him/her mad, how much pressure from gentle to firm, should you use. As Rachel rightly said, its toes for some people!
Touching Tips From Monica
°The Clichés Work
“Pay more attention! Be more present!” Even though every relationship mag screams this all the time, how much attention are you really paying to your partner all day long? Is your mind entirely in the conversations? Or are there often more pressing things distracting you? A big reason why sexual energy seems to fizzle out as a relationship clocks longer is that partners don’t listen and observe each other with the unwavering attention they had when they were first falling in love! The feeling of being heard and receiving attention is self-affirming for every human, and this affirmation between partners fosters strong attraction, which may lead to a hurricane in your bed! You both want to feel loved and important. Sometimes just a little attention, a few extra seconds of eye contact, and some unexpected display of affection rekindle this need right back! We are social beings after all.. Bring back your partner to the center-stage of your life, and when you are together- “Be more present!” This age-old wisdom certainly has some juice.
°Reveal Your Kinks And Fantasies
To break the routine, ‘fess up what’s been catching your attention on porn and be open to change the way you fuck! If your lovemaking has been a “lights off-missionary- and-then- goodnight affair” for a while, truth be told your sex life is getting blander by the day and you might want to switch things up! Ever since digital porn has brought a vast catalog of all things dirty right to our phones- a bit of sexual research goes a long way! Communication is key to comfort, and as we discussed- mind-blowing sex needs the foundations of trust and comfort! After you’ve gotten cozy, open up about all the sex fantasies you’ve ever thought of- and talk dirty to your partner to excite them about your kinks. Remember to keep your fingers moving as you tell them what you want to do to them, and what dirty things you’ve been dying for them to do to you!
°Toys For Bed Time
Did you know that the global sex toy industry was worth a whopping $15billion in 2016? You’re 4 years late to the party but hop on the bandwagon- for it’ll be a wild ride! Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes– and there is something for everyone! From anal beads for the ones knocking on the back door, to rabbit vibrators for a thankful G-spot, sex toys come for both men and women, and do not restrict the play to just intercourse! Pleasure your partner in unique ways, handcuff them for a soft-bondage experience or use cock rings to make your man’s penis longer and more sensitive. Sex Toys make sex and pleasure more fun and varied, and every experience is unique.
Sex Toys are a great alternative to a partner too (Hear ye quarantined folks!) and while they add magic to sex, they’re a perfectly healthy and thrilling way to explore YOUR own body!
°Let The Dirty Games Begin
If initialising intimacy is your Achilles heel, then playing some porn as you get cozy with each other sets an electric mood right way but make sure your partner is not averse to porn before trying this trick. Mirror the screen and push your limits- some people like to copy the pornstars on the screen for a rush of challenging and oh-so-satisfying intimacy! Our brains like novelty, and hence, encouraging new positions in bed can do the job of making your partner wetter or harder than ever before! Adult games are also a feisty way to hit the sack- a competitive spirit coupled with seduction helps you connect and build sexual tension that needs, umm, to be diffused. Check out some easy but scandalous dirty games here.
°Finally, Forget About Performance-Based Expectations!
Abandon the performance-based mindset that you have internalized after watching unrealistic porn and depictions of sex in media. There is no “perfect sex”. Satisfying sex is unique and does not always tick the conventional boxes! Next time you get intimate,
try to focus on the vibe and the sensations of your body, and drown out the voice that creates pressure to look perfect, last longer or be more intense or rough than you’d like. Contrary to the love scenes in the movies, sex qualifies as goood lovemaking as long as you and your partner have fun and feel closer than when you started!
°If Nothing Works, Become Atmanirbhar!
Masturbation is a skill that is honed with practice! Just like how sex was awkward when we first started exploring other bodies with someone else- masturbation only gets better with time. And don’t feel sorry for yourself if this is the intimacy secret you relate to the most right now- because being able to pleasure yourself to an earth-shattering climax is one of the greatest things you can do for both your sexual energy and your mental health!
Disappointing sex is a part of a healthy sex life, so understanding your own body and being able to pleasure yourself is often a lifesaver! How much do you really know your body? There are many different ways to masturbate other than stroking and fingering- including many techniques to play with a penis and a variety of combinations and positions to pleasure a female body! Explore the curves and depths of your body- learning solo about what makes YOU more sexually charged, the pressure you like, and what makes you cum- is the knowledge that will help you achieve an unbelievable orgasm later in bed with your partner.
Masturbation Is The New Meditation
Truth be told, sex can never be liberatingly satisfying until you are comfortable in your skin, and know what your body wants. So if you are single and craving some intimacy, learning the eclectic ways to make yourself cum is a fabulous start.. You won’t regret it!
Did we miss anything? Or do you have an intimacy tip up your sleeve that we missed out? Tell us in the comments below!
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